welcome 2010! (a late blog entry)

Wow another year has passed,
The highlight of my year? hmmmm what could it be?
a lot of things happened that i never imagined to even happen in my life, taste of failure and success... lost some people whom i valued and met new people that became a big part of my life for the past year...

First quarter of the month last year went so smooth, i got all the things that I wanted and bust my butt working to get it. Started the year going to review classes and all that stuff...

Second quarter was all work plus the not so effective studying that I did... really got so confident and didn't paid attention to things that i needed to be concentrating to...

Third quarter was chaos... failure. betrayal. Drama. Deception. heartache... but after all that? I learned a lot of lesson. Lessons that lead me to be very careful in every decision I make in my life...

Last quarter was fun.. get to have a sweet vacation.. New found love... Hope and forgiveness... There's some down part but not enough to end my year in vain or sadness..

I have so much to be thankful for to God... for all the blessings that he gave me... for a good life that I have right now... for giving me the people that bring about happiness and good memories. For true friendship, healthy family and for my Love... <3

I'm hoping for a better year... more happiness and contentment... Keep my family healthy and strong... and hopefully offer me my most awaited success... :-)

Crazy study habit

I went to starbucks this morning to grab some coffee and bread for breakfast after dropping off my bheb at work... I look around and ask the barista if they have a wifi connection and she said i need to pay for it so I went to starbucks site and registered. I was thinking about reviewing there since it's a little quiet and it feels different so time pass by after 1 and half hour of sitting there i didn't accomplish anything so i decided to go to a library nearby which is my first plan anyway. So Ive been here @ the library around 10: 30 am. and now it's already 12:03 pm.

Did i study for the past hour and half? nope. i can't focus. everytime i try to start some ideas go to mind like, Oh im going to see this site, oh im going to check my facebook again, oh i forgot to buy a gift for this person, go window shopping online... now its almost time to eat then i need to go grab something to eat coz i can't simply focus with my stomach empty!

I just can't focus. :-( psychological?? same college days study habits. i can't study without cleaning up my room doing laundry or doing some crafts by the time i feel ready its almost time to sleep or im already too tired to study...

are you experiencing the same thing? i just need to push myself to sit and start doing it!!! Maybe I'm just too anxious that I'm afraid to start... it's really crazy and waste of time. Now instead of starting off with my book here I am blogging my thoughts and going gaga with everything!

Oh well... I know I'm going crazy...

So much to be thankful for!

Life is really good even everything is not yet perfect I'm still thankful about a lot of stuff. I don't have everything I want in the world but at least it motivates me to do my best to get what I want and specially what I need...

I'm thankful that I have my family even though I'm so far away from them I can still feel the love and care... to my dearest relatives here that's been supporting me all the time! My few but trusted friends... :-) co-workers that turned out to be a family and instant sister lol. My big bro and his family that helped me a lot and makes me feel important to their lives... My online friends that I have never talked to in person before but thanks to facebook i get to know them and actually get close to them in some way... My bheb for making me feel happy, sad, excited, mad, feel special and most importantly feel loved :-)

Thanksgiving is days away so I'm taking this oppurtunity to thank God for everything that he has given me and for everything that makes my life great.

I definitely don't have a perfect life but i really appreciate everything that I have and for who I have become...

I'm still fulfilling my plans and taking one step at a time.I'll get at the top of my dreams someday.. I just have to live each day and make it happen :-) like everyone does.

Oh well, feeling good today so might as well blog it.

I really need to update my blog everyday like I used to... a perfect output of my everyday life...

Drama

yep it's been a whillllllllllllllleeeee since i wrote a blog.. omg. I used to love writing blogs like everyday and it helped me get through each day.

Today i really needed an output for everything that's going on. I'm a very happy person and things like sadness and depression doesn't always bother me because i can always make myself happy in any way (that sounded really weird). It's not like im crazy or whatever lol.

So this is one of those days that hits me real hard and make me feel like "hey, I'm ALONE." I realized that yes I'm really alone. Don't get me wrong i appreciate my relatives, brother, cousins and Aunt who's helping me out right now and super appreciate it...

But my MOM and lil bro... my friends back home... damn i miss those times. I miss how a heartbreak can be easily get over with. You won't feel that much pain because your friends are there to tap your back and say "Everything's gonna be alright" as if they know exactly what to say to make you feel better...

I got few real friends out here and my cousins that i could talk. My boyfriend is inlove with his xbox so forget about it.

Life is tough now but I can't stop right now. I can't stop loving. I can't stop believing and I can't stop hoping that everything's gonna be alright...

So far... I got my driving license and aiming for a car. One step at a time...

My side of story... PART 3

It took me a while to make the third part since I was too busy working and all other stuffs that's going on with my life...

So this new guy treated me nicely and we agreed that we'll just remain friends and just be happy. and I BELIEVED HIM. So i was going out with my friends, going out to movies and such and this guy made me believe it was just okay but after I leave the house, he cries in front of my cousins and make it look like he's the poor one left behind...

I was shocked one evening I went home from movies and my cousin in law approached me about how I'm treating him, and I was like, huh? what are you talking about? she said he cried when he found out I went with the movies with a guy friend back then.. OH COME ON. REALLY? dude you just knew me for a 2 weeks.. seriously? I got really annoyed with all the BS that's going on.

Another Chance. After not talking to him for a day he started to approach me again and here I go again believe and trust him like nothing happened. Made chores for me even if I didnt asked him to do so.. pretty good huh?

I wake up early to do all the morning household chores so i can sleep and well relaxed at night not realizing he's pretty smart to do the night shift dishes to make it look he did all the work in the house. Nice one. I hope i realized that sooner.

He asked me on the movie then made me paid for it. Good job. That was not supposed to be a big deal then after the movie got mad at me or acted up for some reason can't remember what then throw the money in the floor telling me that the payment for what i spent in the movie. Wow. You are very nice. I hate when you make favors for people then throw it back in your face just to make it look like they don't owe you anything. What if i don't have money that night and actually went out with him. Damn that would be embarrassing. DON"T ASKED ANYBODY OUT IF YOU CAN"T TAKE CARE OF IT. LET THEM ASKED YOU OUT INSTEAD.

but he was still the angel for them of course. He can really fool you with the innocent face.

a lot of lies went on and on. I was trying to make him realize he can be himself and just tell me the truth about everything that happened to him in the past anyway I don't really like making friends or getting close to someone who can't be themselves. If you don't have money, car or anything tell me you don't have one because you didn't worked and looked out for ur kids not because ur Ex spent all ur money and put you in a big debt. When in fact she was the one who's working afterall and paying all your bills. That's her car and not urs. How can you even pretend and lie in my face and think that im stupid not to figure out what's going on?

Well, it hurts that I have trusted you and tried to help you be urself and not be someone else you think you are.

Cousin in law and everybody pitty him from all the drama he got in the past and what's happening with us.She wants me for him and I simply don't like him but my big fault was fool around and make jokes about his feelings. How can you love a person who doesn't even love himself.

I was already inlove with someone before I met him and it was hard to shift the feelings but i tried and slowly giving him chances but he made it even harder when i finally saw all the bad sides. Temper tantrums. Attitudes in inappropriate places where you're supposed to have fun. Definitely a turnoff.

I was really the bad girl. Maybe I was or should i say I am. My biggest fault was telling him there's nothing more i can give but staying the same person I am to him everyday. Like you're not trying to make him fall but you have no choice but to be nice because he was doing favors and you feel guilty about it? That was my fault. I was weak.

Then cousin in law made a Big deal out of it. Then all the issues came out one by one... I didn't even imagined all those stuffs really mattered. But I was very surprised with the outburst of feelings she kept many months ago...

My side of story... PART 2

It all started when this "GUY" moved in my cousin's house let's name him M. He's not related to my cousin in law but since she love adopting people he adopted him coz he got a lot of troubles back where he belong. M's brother live for a couple of weeks first but moved out as soon as he got a job in NJ and mousse went into the scene after we met at his bro's birthday party...

Bare with me coz i want as much details as I could give so to lessen confusion in my story.

M was really nice and started to court and all that stuff. I was pretty much happy to have him around at the moment coz he reminds me of the ex pretty much.

All was good... Like maybe this guy could really be the one since we have the same culture and no more further adjustments on that part... I showed kindness and sweetness in return of all the efforts. Preparing breakfast, cooking lunch and even help me out with my laundry lol. As time goes by little by little I saw the bad side...

Very jealous. Assuming and had a very suspicious personality like all of his statements and stories are very inconsistent... so i decided to talk to him about it and actually we agreed to just remain friends but he asked me to be the same and still be sweet so it wasnt a problem to me and i said that's fine...


to be continued...

My side of story... PART 1

there's always two sides of every story. This is my version.

Part 1...

I came here in US without any idea what am I getting myself into I just know i needed to work for a lil bit til the airforce gets me. I came here and got into a lot of issues with my relatives and I just don't want to be into any trouble and I chose what i thought was the best for me so I chose to live with my cousin and cousin in law instead of living with my closest relatives.

I was literally amazed how great she was towards me. As in i can't believe there's a kind of person like that very giving and very helpful and pretty much spoiled me with things and attention and helped me the best way she could. I was very thankful and always prayed that God may shower her endless blessings.

I'm pretty much a really bad Girl like i did a lot of stuffs, lots of adventures when I was still in the philippines then I changed myself when I got here. Stopped smoking, stayed home for months and just work work work and shop til i drop.

That was my problem. Shopping. pretty much got addicted to it and didn't think about the money i was spending. The best part was i bought all the gadgets that I wanted with all the hardwork. Payed for my Exams on my own and still sends money to my Mom.

Happy go lucky but really worked hard for the money.

Till she told people i needed to give some rent since I can already shop and im done paying my exams and review stuffs. Well she have a point but i got upset for not telling me first about it and rather told my friends first. It's like making me look bad.

But that was the past we talked about it and got over it. Pretty much she didn't asked for much and I gave her what she asked for and sometimes more than that.

Then time came that I met new friends. Went out a lot of times but still haven't forgotten my chores at home. Babysitting some cleaning but i don't really cook so i have a excuse for that.

Till things get really complicated....