When You expect it to be good it turns out to be the opposite.

Okay pretty much same shit everyday... I watched Harry Potter today and it wasn't what I expected. I don't wanna spoil it or what but really???? Dumbledore died just like that? oh well. I hope he'll be alive on the next one and it was just a planned death or maybe he just ordered snape to do that since he never even fought for himself. Maybe it was part of the plan?

I watched all the harry potter but i totally don't remember everything or even the right order from the first one to the recent but yeah whatever.

An ordinary day today, did my chores in the morning and went sunbathing with the kids at the backyard. lol. pretty much i spent my day off relaxing and spent time with the family.

Now i don't even wanna go back to work.. :(

I have to go back reviewing since I stopped for a little bit... i really need to get back to that since I'm really running out of time and my application will pretty soon expired >.<

I miss somebody today. He's almost a bestfriend to me but I guess he's not yet ready to be one towards me. I wished we just remained friends and didn't try anything more than that and maybe until now we're still good friends... :-(

Oh well I'm just blogging coz i can't sleep... slept like 3 hours earlier afternoon so I'm so awake right now... TTYL.

Love is like a rollercoaster; it has ups and downs, twists and turns, but when you get of, you always want to get back on.

The family planned an outing going to hershey park at Pennsylvania but I was thinking not to come with them since they're leaving at friday noon and I have work til saturday but at work I realized that it's like a one time experience to actually travel with thefamily and have fun once in a while. So i decided to come with them but the dilemma was they already left the house and I need to go to NY by my own since we're staying overnight so we can leave in the morning to go to PA.

I traveled alone riding a train FOR THE FIRST TIME. I mean I experience it before wth LRTs in the Philippines but this time here in US is a lil bit scary for me which is Ironic. haha. It was almost 3 hours travel and 1 stop over. I had fun.

I hate when i have quiet moments because it makes me think about lots of stuffs in my mind. It's like a never ending problem solving time when I'm alone and it's like quiet.

So i arrived safe and the next day we went to hershey park. i think it was a 3hours travel.

I had fun there since i had the chance to ride some of the most scariest one. I realized if I'm with someone brave with me to ride it i feel brave too and for the first time i really had the best of my time in a rollercoaster.

My favorite was the black bear, the rail was on the head part so ur feet is hanging and we chose to ride in the very front so we actually see everything. it was fun. the best feeling i ever had. it's like u were flying.

I hate the water ride. The roller soaker. its not that its not fun. It's fun but the line sucks! we never thought it would take that long. it took 3 hours for us to actually get in to the ride and the whole time my eyes were closed! hahah i got scared coz i don't really feel secured with the lock it feels like im gonna fall any moment.

I can say i had really overcome my fears on roller coaster rides! hahah good for me, lol but hope my summer fun will not end here!

People sometimes don't make sense

Talking about Love...

Everything seems not right. You love him. He's not sure if he loves you. The other loves you truly but you don't know if you love him and the last thing that complicates everything is you left somebody waiting in a far away land that believes in the love story you made up because of your selfishness.

I was happy i fell in love again and actually got hurt after almost a year of being here. The love story didn't went good since it started like a game for both of us. Well.. I paid the price of actually lying about everything just to have what I want and when I want something I want it bad. I don't care who gets hurt in the way. That's the side of me that I want to change. But change is hard when you're actually used to be that way for 21years.

Well I'm sorry if we have to end this way. I'm not supposed to be your drama that you tell everybody and tell the whole world how many times I've hurt you. I'm not fair but so are you.

Talking about life...

Am I making sense? actually I don't understand anything that's happening. I'm actually in the lowest point in my life right now (that's what they're trying to make me think) but im surprised that I'm still happy. Lowest in a way. I don't have a very good job yet but at least I have one (something to be thank for). I don't have any car to bring me wherever I go. I can do limited stuffs and have limited freedom.

People who you think would understand you don't even understand you at all. They think they're right because that's the norm and that's what they believe life is supposed to be.
I'm not going to rush myself anymore. If i feel ready i will be ready.

I'm having fun dealing with some struggles of my life everyday. It sucks that you have to obey people's rules because you owe them a big part of you but I'm very thankful that God gave me these people. I'm just stubborn sometimes but this is who I am and this is my life at least give me the power to decide for my self.

If you give me advice. I'll appreciate it but i think it's not fair to get mad when I don't follow it because it's not an advice but rather a command. To be fair i'll be in silence rather than defend my side because no one and nobody will even understand.

9 months

It's been a while! yeahhhh! hahahah I've been very busy with work and life and take note not reviewing for anything! i feel so damn lazy can anyone try to motivate me? I'm starting to be contented with what I have in my life but I know this is not supposed to be the contentment part and I should make more efforts! hahahah...
I'm just happy. New friends. 9 months would you believe? 9 months and more months/years to come...

Sometimes i don't feel like going home anymore. Am i having fun here? a little bit. It's like i don't have any reasons anymore to go home. My friends are nowhere in sight. Busy as hell with their careers. My family? I don't even know if I still have one. It's a crazy life but I have to deal with it. Mahal? hmmm will you still love me?

The bright side? I was able to know the people here more. Somewhat not scared anymore to actually make friends and learn how to actually cope up with their attitudes but still preserving the filipina values I have (oha oha).

Life as a 21 year old is a very exciting part here in US unlike in our country it's like u have to prepare urself in a certain level of maturity for you are starting a more serious life and the pressure of being mature!

I started night life when I was 14 til before I left Philippines but not as much. Before i left I felt I was getting old because bars are populated by teenagers aging 14 to 18. Gemoy and I usually asks oursleves are we that OLD to feel that we don't belong anymore in this club? hahahaha

When I got here, it was a big change. I felt I was back to my teenage life just starting to explore the world. Turning 21 is a big issue. and New culture and stuffs like that, and you have to deal with it.

But life became a boring cycle as soon as I started working. Oh well it's up to me to make it a little bit worth living right? I'll only be 21 once so why not have fun?

A poem

My feelings of loving you,
My feelings of wanting you,
My feelings of needing you,
When I look at the sky,
and I wonder why,
It had to be YOU.

Prodigal Daughter

I was so stupid to tell her bad things and not recognizing all the efforts she made to make my life worth living. and for my existence I owe it partly to her but still made her feel that all of that is not enough to forgive her weakness. This is the time that she needs me the most and I didn't even try to understand her side. Am I that bad? I just realized things will go wrong sometimes but even a single reason to make things better will be very helpful. Now I can't bring those words back I already made a deep scratch in her heart and Lord I'm sorry. That is never acceptable and it's not gonna be. I hope things will be better. Better everyday.

Me. and the very unexpected problem.

I never thought this can happen to me or even imagined I will encounter this problem. It hurts so bad when the people you love the most are the one who's getting hurt. I can't do anything but support whatever decision they make. I thought these things only happens in movies or drama series. I don't expect things will happen this way. Maybe in some way this happened because I was not with them. or I don't even know If I could prevented it from happening. All I know is she's hurting so bad and I'm not there to understand why it happened. I'm so far thinking everything's okay back home not thinking of the bad things that may happen. I can't say exactly what happen to you guys. Maybe this is just one thing I'll keep to myself. The only thing I can share with you guys is that I feel so bad and I don't even know what to do or what to feel. She said it's okay. It's not OKAY and it's never OKAY.

I don't know why people get so blinded by love that they don't realize how wrong things are. I loved a person so much before that I, myself experienced the same thing but I didn't realized that it will double the pain if the one who's experiencing is the person you love.