People sometimes don't make sense

Talking about Love...

Everything seems not right. You love him. He's not sure if he loves you. The other loves you truly but you don't know if you love him and the last thing that complicates everything is you left somebody waiting in a far away land that believes in the love story you made up because of your selfishness.

I was happy i fell in love again and actually got hurt after almost a year of being here. The love story didn't went good since it started like a game for both of us. Well.. I paid the price of actually lying about everything just to have what I want and when I want something I want it bad. I don't care who gets hurt in the way. That's the side of me that I want to change. But change is hard when you're actually used to be that way for 21years.

Well I'm sorry if we have to end this way. I'm not supposed to be your drama that you tell everybody and tell the whole world how many times I've hurt you. I'm not fair but so are you.

Talking about life...

Am I making sense? actually I don't understand anything that's happening. I'm actually in the lowest point in my life right now (that's what they're trying to make me think) but im surprised that I'm still happy. Lowest in a way. I don't have a very good job yet but at least I have one (something to be thank for). I don't have any car to bring me wherever I go. I can do limited stuffs and have limited freedom.

People who you think would understand you don't even understand you at all. They think they're right because that's the norm and that's what they believe life is supposed to be.
I'm not going to rush myself anymore. If i feel ready i will be ready.

I'm having fun dealing with some struggles of my life everyday. It sucks that you have to obey people's rules because you owe them a big part of you but I'm very thankful that God gave me these people. I'm just stubborn sometimes but this is who I am and this is my life at least give me the power to decide for my self.

If you give me advice. I'll appreciate it but i think it's not fair to get mad when I don't follow it because it's not an advice but rather a command. To be fair i'll be in silence rather than defend my side because no one and nobody will even understand.

9 months

It's been a while! yeahhhh! hahahah I've been very busy with work and life and take note not reviewing for anything! i feel so damn lazy can anyone try to motivate me? I'm starting to be contented with what I have in my life but I know this is not supposed to be the contentment part and I should make more efforts! hahahah...
I'm just happy. New friends. 9 months would you believe? 9 months and more months/years to come...

Sometimes i don't feel like going home anymore. Am i having fun here? a little bit. It's like i don't have any reasons anymore to go home. My friends are nowhere in sight. Busy as hell with their careers. My family? I don't even know if I still have one. It's a crazy life but I have to deal with it. Mahal? hmmm will you still love me?

The bright side? I was able to know the people here more. Somewhat not scared anymore to actually make friends and learn how to actually cope up with their attitudes but still preserving the filipina values I have (oha oha).

Life as a 21 year old is a very exciting part here in US unlike in our country it's like u have to prepare urself in a certain level of maturity for you are starting a more serious life and the pressure of being mature!

I started night life when I was 14 til before I left Philippines but not as much. Before i left I felt I was getting old because bars are populated by teenagers aging 14 to 18. Gemoy and I usually asks oursleves are we that OLD to feel that we don't belong anymore in this club? hahahaha

When I got here, it was a big change. I felt I was back to my teenage life just starting to explore the world. Turning 21 is a big issue. and New culture and stuffs like that, and you have to deal with it.

But life became a boring cycle as soon as I started working. Oh well it's up to me to make it a little bit worth living right? I'll only be 21 once so why not have fun?

A poem

My feelings of loving you,
My feelings of wanting you,
My feelings of needing you,
When I look at the sky,
and I wonder why,
It had to be YOU.

Prodigal Daughter

I was so stupid to tell her bad things and not recognizing all the efforts she made to make my life worth living. and for my existence I owe it partly to her but still made her feel that all of that is not enough to forgive her weakness. This is the time that she needs me the most and I didn't even try to understand her side. Am I that bad? I just realized things will go wrong sometimes but even a single reason to make things better will be very helpful. Now I can't bring those words back I already made a deep scratch in her heart and Lord I'm sorry. That is never acceptable and it's not gonna be. I hope things will be better. Better everyday.

Me. and the very unexpected problem.

I never thought this can happen to me or even imagined I will encounter this problem. It hurts so bad when the people you love the most are the one who's getting hurt. I can't do anything but support whatever decision they make. I thought these things only happens in movies or drama series. I don't expect things will happen this way. Maybe in some way this happened because I was not with them. or I don't even know If I could prevented it from happening. All I know is she's hurting so bad and I'm not there to understand why it happened. I'm so far thinking everything's okay back home not thinking of the bad things that may happen. I can't say exactly what happen to you guys. Maybe this is just one thing I'll keep to myself. The only thing I can share with you guys is that I feel so bad and I don't even know what to do or what to feel. She said it's okay. It's not OKAY and it's never OKAY.

I don't know why people get so blinded by love that they don't realize how wrong things are. I loved a person so much before that I, myself experienced the same thing but I didn't realized that it will double the pain if the one who's experiencing is the person you love.

Lord, I'm Sorry.

This is not my usual everyday blog would talk about but yeah I remember when I was still a child I was very religious (Lol) and I always attend mass every sunday or saturday maybe because we live like 7 houses from Church. Read the Novena, Joined the choir (lol haha bata pko nun eh) always attend different events like "Flores De Mayo" which my cousin got her scar on the hand because we're playing "tag" inside the church, it was break time from our bible study and I accidentaly hit the big pot of very hot arrozcaldo towards gemoy and she burned her hand. (SORRY GEMOY!)

A lot of stuffs. My mind was so pure hahah lol and It's funny because sometimes you want to attend the mass because you have a new dress and you want to wear them. I am considered lucky to know God and His presence in my early age. Nowadays, I know a lot of kids that they don't even know who is Papa Jesus... and these kids are Baptised Catholics/Christians.

I am thankful and I will always be thankful for everything.

I've been here for 6 months and I never had the chance to go to a mass. (Once, but that was Uncle Tim's Burial) or maybe I am too busy of much less important things that I didn't even bother to make time. Hope I could get a chance next Sunday and I hope my sunday review won't start that day. Yeah... Bad very Bad... T_T

The Addiction To Online Shopping: I WORK HARD Therefore I SHOP HARD!

I was cleaning my room earlier today to get rid of those things in my room that I don't need and I planned to buy a new comforter since I got tired of washing this big comforter every now and then so I have other choices hahaha and I got tired of the old design lol I want something new. But unfortunately the mall closed early today so we just ate snack and had coffee at panera bread, had a little shopping then went home. Okay so back to cleaning... I was reaching something at the top of my cabinet then when I pulled this paper bag hanging oh my gosh,, all those Boxes fell! I didn't realize it was that much hahahah! i used to clean it before and those boxes keep on falling and sometimes I hide them on the other room! hahaha

Ate mhel knows how I got addicted to this online shopping thing... so she always remind me to save... but since there's no time to go to mall sometimes what temps me is when I go to this online stores and when they notify me through emails that they have 80% sale or whatever... damn cant help myself! especially when the things I want is what on sale.


That's why until now I can't buy the laptop that I want because I keep on spending and spending and spending... and when I tried to arranged the clothes in my cabinet... almost all of my dress and clothes still got tags on them... why? I can't wear them haaha it's like the event should be very special before I would wear them. Crazy huh?

"Naku, 6 months k palang d2 andami n ng box n yan." Everytime those boxes arrived ate mhel always tells me.. "AKALA KO BA LAST NA YUN? BAKIT MERON NANAMAN?" hahahah well.

Maybe that's because that's the only super flash happiness I can get. I mean yeah... it gives you happiness for a moment but sometimes when you dont have someone to share it with it's like after all the spending it's not worth it? but I still do it. It makes me think of working more harder...

but now I need to slow down.. it's too much.. I don't have the right yet to spend and spend hahaha lol... well I'll try to! but I will not promise anything...