4.8.6 12-25-07

weeeee hahaha hnd q na naupdate blog kO la aKO net sa jan pa cgro ako mgkakaroOn ulit.. Belated Merry xmas peoPle! woOot!

nice xmas first time mgcelbrate ng xmas n wla sa bahay >.<
weeeeeeeeeeeeee!

got this while searching for Grey's Anatomy quotes.... here it goes...

“Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it –i don’t know…maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What’s that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.”

and

“Pain. You just have to ride it out. Hope the wound that causes it heals. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain. You just have to fight through because the truth is you can’t outrun it, and life always makes more.”

Winter Blues

Still loaded with emotions but trying to figure out how to handle things inside me... I'm not used of feeling this way since my personality doesn't support stuffs like these. Maybe my neurotransmitters are still unbalanced... hahahah (see? Im laughing after stating that I'm feeling a little heavy inside).

Seriously, I want to let this feeling stay for a while but not too long for me to actually realize things. Brag about this feelings within me with friends earlier. Thank yOu for listening gUys... I'm kinda mushy lately but this will pass and just being there with me is enough.

I don't really know what to write, sorry for making my blog kinda dramatic lately... Maybe I'm just trying to get myself busy.

Okay I'm not making sense anymore, I'll try to get some sleep now because I'm already tired and wasted.

Crying day

dO you have moments like this?

Sometimes when days and months passed by that I'm too happy (always happy) because I tend to keep deeply inside my heart all of the sadness that I felt for the past months and I when time comes that I want to let it out, I recall every moment, every fear that I have. lock my room and cry until I can let all negative emotions out in my system. Then another start as if I recharged my emotions and again I'm capable of keeping another set of new feelings maybe positive or negative, even absorb emotions from others.

Sometimes even it's not in my plan, tears suddenly falls from my eyes. I just want to nurse the feeling even just for a moment... I want to feel the pain itself in order for me to make stronger barriers from these emotions. You may think that I'm crazy or what but it's something worth doing.

I don't usually cry for love like when my boyfriend and I, have misunderstandings (which is so seldom to happen) but friends can easily hurt my feelings even just for few words.

Cried 4 times today. 2 times because of Anelle,my friend. We had a little misunderstanding earlier I will not go in to details anymore.

2 times because of family obstacles... yes, I do have a Family ^_^... now I am facing a lot from this category and it really turn down my emotions. haaaiizz... 2 times because the first time is the first realization and the second if I'm not satisfied yet. Like I said, I want it ALL out.

Luckily, my mahal is very supportive... thank you for being responsible, for loving me and understanding every situation that I am being put on... Ur my PERSON.

special thanks also to keneth for being there even just through text I can feel every support that ur giving me ^^


OkAy! enough of the drama...

wonderful day, had a heart to heart chat with che, I really miss her and also anelle two of the most closest friend of mine... Since last sem iI didn't really had enough time to spend with them because all of us were very busy with our studies...

I don't have much friends to count because I'm having difficulty reaching out to others because I'm afraid that they'll misunderstand my intentions and maybe because of a lot of trauma my other ex-friends brought me. Anyway I don't feel bad about that because I treasure each n everyone of them a LOT.

Now, I gaining more of them either of them is true or not I don't care, for me I'll just do my part its for them if they're going to appreciate my efforts or continue to put on masks on their face ^^

School Day Again!

December 12, 2007

Another brand new day for me. When I got up in bed, I think of what this day would offer me? What exact situations will I be put on? Gathered my things and started preparing for school, yes! school duty today which means longer time for discussion. Most of the students find discussions boring and I may not exclude myself, but when I think of many situations in my life that I actually said “If only I had listen...” I usually think of the positive side to motivate myself.

7:30 am ready to go to school because @ exactly 8:00am our school duty will start. Plans for today are drug study reporting, cases reporting, library visit, submission of requirements and quiz. Right there's lot to take for today. I arrived @ school around 7:50am, I bought some snacks to serve as my breakfast because I didn't had one earlier because of the time.

Waited at least an hour for our C.I to arrive, yes she's late but it's okay because it will actually buy us time to do visuals for our reports. We started discussing about our drug studies, and most of the drugs presented was already familiar but some of them put a little more mark on my brain. Some things about the specific drugs which I don't have any idea about. After that we had our 30 items quiz.

Finally lunch time, our C.I provided us 2 hours of break time. When we got back, we had the rest of the plan for today working. We had sharing of experiences some are really funny but I learned from their different experiences shared that happen in our duty days. Some of them are breaking the sterile technique unconsciously, instruments mistaken for another, surgeon's experiences.

From our mistakes gathered, I've learned to put myself in that situation and actually think of possibilities that I should do. At least from what we have experience we were able to reflect to ourselves and formulate reactions to different situations. Our C.I shared her knowledge from our drug discussion until our reporting. She usually adds up information to guide us important things to understand and to help us feed our minds.

Imperfections and mistakes makes us feel that our abilities are not enough but we also have to realize that these also makes up a better person within us.

Frustration

sObrang bUsy Lately, that's why hnd kO naupdate bLog kO last friday and yesterday... haiz! ang yabang yabang kO pa sa previOus blog kO na naOvercome kO na ung fear kO ayun nahilO nanaman akO nung friday... I don't know the reasOn why this kind of tragedy is actually ruining my nursing life!

I don't think na ung blood ung reason kc mahilig pakO manOod ng mga bLoody movies and sinasanay kO sarili kO sa mga ganung bgay through watching C.S.I, Saw, Hostel, mga mOvies na super brutal... Ngyon sikat na sikat nakO sa mga surgeoNs pag nrinig n nila na may nhilO, sasabhn nila "alam ko na si tisay un noh?" yiiihhhh! sobrang nhuhuli nakO sa cases, ang advantage lng sobrang hasa nkO sa scrubbing and gowning dhil lagi ako ngscrscrub ang prob hnd KO ntataPos... help me guys need some advice!

sobrang nakakafrustrate na tong nngyayari sken, I'm thinking na bka anemic akO.. kc dis tym pag tumatagal ung surgery bgla nangangawit na ung paa kO tpos sunod sunod na paakyat ung feeling hnggang sa magblackout na ung paningin kO, tpos pagumupo akO kaagad ngfafade away... kaso panO ko icocontinue ung surgery eh unsterile nkO... haiz! sobrang frustrating, kung ano ano n nga cnsabi ng surgeon like bka daw narape or ntrauma ako nung childhood ko kaya ganun akO... hainaku... lalong hnd nmn ako buntis hahahah

Kahapon naman aun, whole day ksma si mahal dun sa apartment watch ng dvd and kain mode... super borlOg lng hahaha.. enjOy... umuwi akO bahay around 6:30 pm d kO matiis namimiss kO n xa agd sobra.. aun sabi kO sa srili tatpucn kO lng mgagagawin Ko then I'll surprise him! heheheh around 3 am aun sinurprise KO sya ngpunta ako ng apartment... weeeee!

Kanina, ngpunta kami ng arayat, halo-halo ever ang sarap tlga d best halo halO dun and pastillas! wee favorite!!! picture picture dun sa schOoL ng Lola nya hahah... para kming tanga...


ayun msaya nmn weekends super! ayOko ng may pasok wahhahaha!


@all Ragnarokers

senxa na I don't have stuffs to say about my ragna life kc hnd n tlga ako ngoOnLine i have plans pero sobrang busy pa kc sa studies...

SENXA NA KUNG BORING BLOG KO heheheh