Inside my head

Today was a really bad day, depressing. I never felt so alone. I just want to scream and hit or break something. Maybe it would help.

It's so hard to balance everything in life. Whatever your priorities are, sometimes you get to a point where you focus too much on one thing and loses balance on the others. That's what exactly is happening to me right now.

Career, Work, Family, Love and God. I know God should be the center of everything but I am not a saint sometimes I fail. I try but I know it's not even enough.

FAMILY? oh yeah I support them financially, we have conversations through YM but talk? hmmm I think that's what I am a financial supporter. Don't get me wrong. I love my family i think that's the main reason I'm still here. Actually the only reason I am here. I was contended back home but communication is a big problem. If you have sister/Aunt/dad/mom/brother or whoever supports you from US try to appreciate them as much as you could. I honestly avoid calls sometimes. its not that I don't want to hear their voice. I would love to see them, hug them have a dinner with them like we used to. but who would love to call if what you will always hear is problems? we already have so much to worry here. I think a little good news is nice to hear.

Relationship Wise. I'm struggling. We're struggling. ALL relationships have ups and downs. I barely have time nor does he have time. I hate fights especially if it's not worth it. I think I graduated on that one long time ago. I'm already 23 i think I already graduated from lies, cheating, crushes or whatsoever. I am actually proud of how patient I am now. I'm slowly losing it but I'm holding on. I've been through different types of relationships and I learned a lot.

sabi nga "nya" buti pa siya pinagluluto mo, pinaglalaba, iniiyakan mo pa ni ako di ko naexperience yun sayo.."

I don't cry because he hurt my feelings, I cry coz I don't have somebody to run to like I had the old days. Back home HEARTBREAKS don't mean nothing. 1 case of red horse or 1 bottle of emperador with a bunch of friends pppsh overnight lang makakamove on ka na or kung hindi man edi next day uli.

I'm not saying he's a bad boyfriend I have my faults too but I'm soo hard to please. Well this part people would say, "work it out" it just means your relationship is getting stronger.

Career? that's the only good that's happening to me right now. I love my job. I love what I do and everyday I'm learning. Everyday I get to prolong somebody's life. I get to see the same people/patient therefore I get to bond with them and I think that's the best part of being a nurse. getting to know your patient being involved in their care the sad part about this job... it's either they get "well", worse, get a transplant or die.

I know tom will be a better day for me. It's just nice to have a blog an output of what's inside your head, how you feel at a certain moment and how you dealt with it. 

Tomorrow I should be fine.