Depression

what a duty day, i was the scrub nurse on one of the cases that our group handled today and I'm so excited because it will add up to my majOr cases, i started quite goOd, gOwning, gloving, instruments... I got really nervous because I usually get dizzy whenever the pelvic area, uterus and vagina are the one being operated or repaired... This is one of my luckiest day, my case is something like pelvic repair >.<>

I cried so hard earlier after it happened, because it makes me feel so depressed that I'm having this kind of feeling whenever i have operations to assist... it really makes me feel so bad... i can't control it or even fight it... Whenever it starts to bug me i try to think of other things or i pray to God to help throughout, but of course I also consider the fact that I should be aware of what's happening around me because I have to pass instruments to the surgeons and assist them... Our CI is very supportive and she comforted me and gave me some tips or advices, she's funny and she makes our duty enjOyable, fun but still in the manner that we learn a lot of things from her...

How can I be a successful nurse if I cant even finish the whOle operation without getting dizzy or something, i almost fainted... grrrr! the surgeons are even teasing me about what happened...
I have to do something about it before it will be too late for me... Luckily, i didn't get bored today because we had things to do...